10 Reasons to be Happy

February. It’s a dismal time of year. A grey procession of melting snow and endless drizzle, topped only by the return of January exams and Christmas essays, without even the looming promise of summer to get you through.

So after a particularly dreary week I decided a pick-me-up was well and truly needed. Whilst I would normally turn to the fleeting pleasures of internet shopping and New Girl re-runs to lighten my mood, this time something more enlightening was required.

“Happiness is a choice.” I bleated to my down-in-the-dumps housemate earlier today after a cold and uni stress had got the better of her.

And that’s when I realised. I wasn’t just parroting Cosmo’s You You You section; happiness really is a choice. Yes, we can’t all decide whether we land our dream job, date our dream guy or have our dream life. But we can decide whether to be happy with what we’ve got.

So here it goes: my ten reasons and ways to be happy; a sort-of definitive, and mostly tried-and-tested route to a cheerier day. It may not change your life, but here’s hoping it perks up your afternoon.

1. It’s all About the Little Things

Hot baths, a good book, a glass of wine with friends. Maybe even something as little as finding a new lipstick in the exact shade you were looking for, or catching up on your feel-good TV programme.

Life is all about the little surprises and occurrences that brighten your day, and focusing on how something small makes you temporarily happy and fulfilled is the first step to being happy. Every day presents you with a hundred new chances to do something you enjoy, so seize it, and truly love and appreciate the tiny things that make you smile.

2. The World Is Your Oyster

When things aren’t quite going the way you’d always planned (skipping into your dream job straight after graduation anyone?) it’s easy to feel lost. Getting caught up in a spiral of wailing about how my fate clearly lies in moving back in with my parents and working at ASDA forever to anyone who’ll listen is one of my current tics, and clearly it’s easy to forget that your future is what you make it.

True, we can’t always have total control over what career we get, or where we end up, but there are still lots of things we can decide. When the next few years are looking a bit hazy, remember that whether you spend this time wallowing in doubt or looking forward to this new openness is completely down to you.

Dream, plan and travel; maybe you won’t end up doing all the things you want to, but be aware how many possibilities are open to you. Looking forward to the things you can achieve, and maybe even doing a few of them, is the ultimate mood and life lifting experience.

Girls Party Holiday in Zante may not be life-changing travelling but it's close enough!

3.Make the Most of what you’ve got

First World Problems. They’re the hilarious stuff of memes and tweets everywhere, where the privileged get a chance to satirically whine about the problem between finding the perfect balance between a fan and an electric blanket, or how they don’t have the newest iphone.

Whilst most of us are probably guilty of sniggering at the odd non-issue, few of us take the time to consider how much insignificant our own worries are. Chasing after our ideal image of life, it’s easy to get upset when things aren’t quite living up to our lofty expectations.

At times like this, it’s important to take account of the things you do have. Your friends, your family, your education, your health. All factors that not everyone is lucky enough to possess. So next time you get caught up in your hapless love-life or imperfect grades, remember the things you do have, and take the time to make the most of them.

4. Live the Life you Love

Your parents, your teachers, even the media. Everyone seems to have an idea of how your life should be going. The kind of career you should be suited to, the kind of person you should be with, the kind of route your life should take. Most people’s lives quickly become a construction of the expectations of others as soon as they’re old enough to be influenced.

Make sure you frequently take a step back from your life and question your own motives. Maybe what you really want to do is travel instead of diving straight into the rat race. Maybe you want to drop the playing-it-safe life path and take the time to attempt something people said you could never achieve. So what’s stopping you?

One of my best friends recently did a complete u-turn, dropping her applications for a cut-throat city career she’s always planned to apply to be a maths teacher, and she’s never seemed happier or more fulfilled. Make sure the reasons you’re doing something are genuine. You only get one chance at this, so take your own chances, not someone else’s.

5. Surround yourself with the People who Care

Sometimes a friend who gets your sense of humour is all you need...

Seems obvious, but it’s one we all sometimes need reminding of. No one will lift your mood more than a good friend who’s genuinely concerned by your problems, and better yet, no one will offer greater advice. And if not advice, then at least a large glass of wine and a few episodes of Snog Marry Avoid.

6. Happiness is Now

One of my pet-hates is people who make themselves miserable in pursuit of some mythical future where everything will be ecstatically perfect. True, at times we have to sacrifice a fancy-free party lifestyle in order to get where we want to be, but you never have to sacrifice your happiness.

Want to know a secret? Nobody is unremittingly happy. Even if you end up with your dream lifestyle, everyone has down days and up days, and most importantly, being unhappy now won’t make it any better when you get there. So stop wasting your time ‘looking forward’ to the day you’re married with a six-figure salary, and start looking forward to now.

This is how happy new shoes make me

7. Therapy Comes in All Forms

And perhaps most importantly, in the form of retail. OK, so this may be hopelessly materialistic, and I’m certainly not saying that a brand new LBD is the secret to a perfect life. All I’m saying is that there’s always shoes. This is my therapy; find yours. There’ll always be something silly and inconsequential which will become your fail-safe pick-me-up no matter what life throws at you, and if you can work out whether platforms or heels would go best with that new maxi skirt, sometimes the big problems can wait.

8. You are the Key to your Own Happiness

When true unhappiness hits, the kind that makes you not want to crawl out of bed and causes you to question yourself, remember this: the only person who can make a difference to yourself is you. We all have times when we’re truly unhappy with ourselves; the choices we’ve made, the way we live our lives-- and it’s a truly nasty feeling. But you’re lucky and powerful enough to be able to act on it.

Hit the gym for some feel good endorphins, read or listen to something that is beautiful and opens your mind, put your passion into practice and blog or start a band. You are the person who gets to decide who you are, the things you know and do, and the life you live. Make the most of it. 

9. Today is Another Day

Every day is a new opportunity to be happy. Start today.

10. You Are Alive

The world is a beautiful, incredible place. All the things you want or that would make you happy are out there; you just have to find them.

Always remember: happiness isn’t about what you have, it’s about what you make of it. Have a very cheery day!

50 Books to Read Before you Die (Part Five)

10. THE CATCHER IN THE RYE- J.D.SALINGER
The definitive angsty teenage read, The Catcher in the Rye is unmissable. Although written in the 50's, Salinger's stream-of-consciousness novel perfectly captures the confusion of adolescence right up to the present day. Agonisingly alienated, protagonist Holden Caulfield is beautifully and realistically portrayed, making The Catcher in the Rye as moving as it is memorable.

9. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD- HARPER LEE
Another incredible work of American fiction, Lee's groundbreaking book has become essential GCSE reading everywhere. However, outside the stilted work of academia, To Kill a Mockingbird is an incredible book, both humorous and heartbreaking. Focusing on the small-town Deep South, To Kill a Mockingbird is brilliantly told through the eyes of  six-year old Scout, giving a poignantly innocent slant on racism and prejudice in a rape case overseen by her lawyer father.

8. CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY- ROALD DAHL
Perhaps one of the greatest children's authors, Roald Dahl's books are unremittingly hilarious, imaginative and brilliant. Although his entire catalogue is essential reading, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is my personal favourite. Eccentric, magical, and perfectly illustrated with the scrawling drawings of Quentin Blake, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is the story of penniless boy Charlie Bucket, who wins the opportunity to visit the mysterious and fantastical confectionary factory of Willy Wonka. Expect madness and hilarity in this enduring modern classic.

7. ENDURING LOVE- IAN MCEWAN

Another truly beautiful book from Ian McEwan, Enduring Love is one of the most well-written books I have been fortunate enough to encounter. The lyricism of McEwan's prose is perfected in this work about the entanglement created between two strangers after they both witness a fatal event. One becomes increasingly, frighteningly obsessed with the other, due to a condition which makes him believe others are in love with them. Exploring the nature of relationships and disillusion, this novel develops into an unexpected and fresh glance at love.

6. HARRY POTTER SERIES- J.K.ROWLING
It may be something of a cliched choice, but Harry Potter has revolutionised modern reading. Never has a book been so heavily anticipated, or had crowds queuing up for the next installment, and for good cause. In what was originally intended to be a children's book about a boy who finds out he is a wizard, Rowling's books develop into increasingly well-written adult novels across the series, spanning a truly incredibly developed magical world. Absorbing escapist fiction, the Harry Potter books are both dark and scary, and warm and funny in varying shades, striking a perfect balance.

5. GONE WITH THE WIND- MARGARET MITCHELL
A beautiful yet devastating nostalgic portrayal of the nineteenth-century US Deep South, Gone with the Wind is epic historical romance at its very best. Based during and following the American Civil War, Mitchell's only novel focuses on the destruction of the idyllic old money plantation families as a result of war. Featuring one of the most famous, temptuous love stories in literature, Gone with the Wind follows headstrong heroine Scarlett O'Hara through the struggles of rebuilding a life when the charming values and wealth of the Deep South is lost.

4. THE COMPLETE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE- WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Although there's a lot of debate as to whether or not Shakespeare is 'overrated,' I've always strongly disagreed, and firmly believe that his complete works deserves its place in my top ten. A rich catalogue of plays and poems, Shakespeare's complete works is an incredibly complex and extraordinarily well-written collection, extending beyond the thematic and literary achievements of almost any writer I've encountered. Although many of Shakespeare's works are remoulded versions of pre-existing stories, his interpretations are intensely thoughtful, displaying the entire spectrum of human thought and emotion in glaring, unimaginable detail. Particularly noteworthy are his tragedy plays, with works such as Othello, Romeo and Juliet and King Lear being some of his most devastating and revealing works.

3. EAST OF EDEN- JOHN STEINBECK
Another truly wonderfully penned book, East of Eden is a novel which contains prose so sensory, intelligent and poetic it barely needs its equally great plot to keep it readable. Focusing on the lives of two families living in the Salinas Valley in California, perhaps the reason why East of Eden ranks so highly in my books is that it contains a character who, in my opinion, is the most incredibly portrayed in American fiction. Cathy Ames, a fascinating and deeply, almost unmitigatingly, evil woman is plotted from childhood to middle age, developing almost monstrously from twisted child to a sexually sadistic seductress and murderess. She is so intently and realistically portrayed, Steinbeck's fantastic creation is what makes this book the masterpiece it remains.

2. THE BRIEF AND WONDROUS LIFE OF OSCAR WAO- JUNOT DIAZ
An incredibly moving work, The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao is the story of three generations of a family from the Dominican Republic. Opening with the novel's title character, an overweight, science fiction obsessed geek living in New Jersey and obsessed with finding love, this epic book moves on to his rebellious sister, the Dominican upbringing and gangster love affair of his mother, and the fate of his grandfather under tyrannical dictator Trujillo. Culturally rich and endlessly exciting, the novel is charmingly punctuated with rambling footnotes and Spanish dialogue, making it a novel reading experience. Although not well known, The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao is a genuinely breathtaking book.

1. WUTHERING HEIGHTS- EMILY BRONTE
Perhaps my inclusion of this book is slightly bias considering it's the major topic of my dissertation and thus more or less consuming my life at the minute. However, irrespective of my own favour, Emily Bronte's soaring Gothic novel is a defining work of Victorian fiction. Divided into two sections broadly focusing on two generations of two interlinked families, it is perhaps most famous for the tempestuous affair between doomed lovers Cathy and Heathcliff. Wuthering Heights is a brutal and tumultuous novel, exploring class and marriage in the nineteenth century. Passionate and unforgiving in its treatment of love and death, it is one of the great dramatic reads.

Heels and Heartbreak

 Judging by my complete obsession with beautiful footwear, this blog has been a long time coming. I'm the kind of girl who will happily forfeit lunch for a week in pursuit of THAT pair of heels, and heaven forbid I should purchase a sensible pair of flats to replace the battered ballet pumps I've been hobbling around in when I could be splurging on gravity defying, skyscraping stilettos.

However, I fear that the standard rant about my unrequited love for Louboutins (strictly pining away at a distance) and a gleeful showcase of my own shoe collection has probably been a little overdone in the blog-sphere. So instead I've decided that far more apt would be a homage to the healing virtues of a good pair of shoes; the comforting power of a good platform and the warm fuzzy feeling of a fresh-out-its-box boot.

So rather than bombarding you with pics of my latest purchases, I've decided to show to you lucky viewers today a shoe collection with heart. From my battered kitten heels I bought alongside my first heartbreak when I was fifteen (now so well worn they've lost a good inch off the heels) to my help-me-I'm a-grown-up panic buys, this is a look-in on the shoe collection that's seen me through the saddest and most stressful times of my life, and brought me out the other side still strutting my stuff and feeling incredible.

Now, as every shoe-loving girl will know there is no better pick-me-up than a good pair of heels. As irresistibly comforting as chocolate and Gossip Girl on a weekday night, splashing out on that new Topshop slingback gives you all the warm gooey feelings of good old-fashioned retail therapy, whilst also granting a much needed confidence boost. Having been unceremoniously dumped, there is nothing better than throwing on a shiny new pair of leg-lengthening, bum-lifting shoes and proclaiming to your full length mirror how utterly gorgeous you look, and that it is clearly his loss.

A quick glance at my shoe collection is a look-in on my soul. True, there's also a lot of gifts and manic sale buys in there, but the pictured heels are a carefully selected showcase of the shoes that have been my therapy since my first standard issue Clarks school shoe gained an inch of height.

Progressively becoming more extreme from the semi-sensible scuffed lace up heels of the floundering of a college romance to my most recent staggering six-inch patent stiletto, height has coincided with the progressively more mature themes of my problems. And although a scarlet shoe I can only just about walk in might not solve my oh-no-I'm-very-soon-going-to-be-a-jobless-graduate stress, it certainly helps.
     


Unfortunately the fashion side of this is going to be a little on the staid side since all the pictured shoes hail from New Look. However, I can't promote their heels highly enough; with a much bigger range than most high street shops, New Look heels are beautifully budget friendly from around £19-£25 and have a fabulous variety of classic and fashion-friendly styles. They're also better than most places at providing a much needed lift with a generous platform at the front for those extra few inches. They're not incredibly durable, but I've had most of mine re-heeled and they've lasted me through the years.

So forget Ben and Jerrys and Bridget Jones, feel beautiful and get yourself some shoe-therapy.

50 Books to Read Before you Die (Part Four)

20. HITCHHICKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY- DOUGLAS ADAMS
Although a truly brilliant 'trilogy in five parts,' the book I would truly recommend from this hilarious sci-fi series is the first and original 'Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.' Following a hapless protagonist, Adam's documents the aftermath of the destruction of the world in truly mad and weirdly comedic style. Casually cataloging aliens and robots alongside tea and cricket, this defiantly English book borders on the bizarre, well and truly claiming the title of sci-fi everyone can enjoy.

19. ATONEMENT- IAN MCEWAN
Perhaps now better known for THAT library scene in the 2007 film adaption, Atonement is still not a book to be missed. Penned by the extremely talented McEwan, the true value of this novel lies in the beauty of his writing, making it a somewhat slow but incredibly powerful read. Atonement focuses on the repercussions of a single childhood mistake, travelling from idyllic country house British summers to the depths of the Second World War and into modern day London reflecting painfully and viciously on the consequences of a single lie echoing down the years. Brutal and tragic, and unmissable.

18. THE TIME TRAVELLER'S WIFE- AUDREY NIFFENEGGER
Although the plot of The Time Traveller's Wife may sound a little bizarre, Niffenegger is the only author I have ever encountered who has managed to pull off a plot of fantastical proportions with such effortless realism. The story of a man with a genetic condition which causes him to unwittingly travel through time, The Time Traveller's Wife focuses on the complex love story between Henry and Clare, who he meets when he travels back in time to her childhood. Poignant and enrapturing, the wonderful portrayal of relationships and the questioning of free will in the novel makes it a hundred miles from the sci-fi themes it entails.

17. THE ADRIAN MOLE SERIES- SUE TOWNSEND
Starting in the 80's with The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4 and going right up to 2009 with Adrian Mole: The Prostate Years, the diaries of Adrian Mole are some of the funniest, easy to read books I have ever encountered. As one of the hardcore fans who has eagerly awaited the next installment ever since I was old enough to get Townsend's humorous take on the banality of life and satire on everything from politics to erectile dysfunction, I can't recommend the irritating yet endearing Mole and his life of mishaps and misunderstanding highly enough.

16. TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES- THOMAS HARDY
Certainly not a tale for a light bit of Sunday morning reading, Tess of the D'Urbervilles is a true tale of Victorian misery and poverty without relief. However, if you can soldier through death, struggle and abandoned lovers, its certainly a read worth pursuing. Incredibly well written, Hardy's commentary on the sexual double standard of nineteenth century society is fascinating, and few books so artfully and faithfully depict the toil of the lower classes as in his fantastic prose.

15. THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL- ANNE FRANK
The only non-fiction read I've included in this list, the diary kept by Jewish teenager Anne Frank in her years of hiding during Nazi occupation in the Netherlands is heartbreaking, yet essential in understanding the horrors of the Holocaust, and the nature of humanity. Written with an incredible maturity and style, the events encountered by Anne Frank and her family are unbelievable, and the chance to experience them in her own words is unforgettable.

14. REBECCA- DAPHNE DU MAURIER
An unexpected mystery novel set in the genteel upper classes of early twentieth century England, Rebecca focuses on a young brides obsession with her wealthy husband's dead first wife. Shocking and exciting, this novel contains one of the great twists of literature.

13. LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY- JRR TOLKIEN
More books sadly eclipsed by their film incarnations, The Lord of the Rings series is a heavy-going but well worth pursuing read. Bringing epic high fantasy to the masses, the complexity with which Tolkien constructs his magical world is breathtaking. Constructing multiple realms, characters and even languages each with their own fantastical backgrounds, Lord of the Rings truly transports you to Middle Earth. Best of all, the construction of fantasy does not force compromise on plot or narrative; dark and gripping, the journey of the ring is truly fascinating and absorbing.

12. THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME- MARK HADDON
Award winning mystery novel The Curious Incident is incredibly unconventional. With its main enigma based around the death of a dog, Haddon's most famous novel is realistically and sensitively narrated by a fifteen year autistic boy, perfectly capturing the obsessive and meticulous mindset of Aspergers. Focusing on themes of family and disassociation, the novel is rich with twists and insight, striking the perfect balance between a gripping detective story and a view of life and society from an outsider.

11. BIRDSONG- SEBASTIAN FAULKS
Focusing on the dual plot of a mans life before, during and after World War One, and his granddaughters quest to trace his life, Birdsong is the best work of war fiction I have read. Straddling its roles as a story of love and a story of devastation, it is a tragic and immense novel, poignantly honest about the lasting destruction of the idyllic and passionate in the aftermath of devastation and inhumanity.

The F-Word

As readers of my blog will already know, I am a feminist with a capital F. I get angry about patriarchy, Vagenda is more or less my go-to guide for life, and woe betide anyone who dare suggest I should be doing anything in the kitchen that does involve a microwave or pasta.

However, although I'm the first to dive into a feminist scrap, I've noticed lately a certain wave of what I like to term 'judgmental feminism.'

Now I'm undeniably a girly girl. I'm rarely seen in jeans, I love Made in Chelsea, and I've got enough barely-walkable-in heels to put Lady Gaga to shame. Does this mean I don't advocate sexual equality? Of course not. Yet more often than once I've had my Mum role her eyes at my occasionally questionable TV choices and ask 'I thought you were supposed to be a feminist...'

Here's the thing people seem to be missing: feminism is about choice and self respect. Yes, I quite enjoy watching Take Me Out, but it doesn't mean I'm planning to strap a light to me and bleat 'No Likey, No Lighty!' at unsuspecting men on nights out, and it certainly doesn't mean I'm going to judge way other women might want to seek a partner in a fun, albeit slightly questionable way.

This wouldn't be concerning me so much were it not for recent debate concerning wonderful advocate of women's rights Caitlin Moran.

The beauty of Moran's funny and intelligent book 'How to be a Woman' is that it does exactly the opposite of what it says on the tin. In the least judgmental way possible it doesn't tell you a thing about how to be a woman. It shares Moran's hilarious experiences of adulthood, with the message which I believe encapsulates feminism in its truest sense: being a woman is about being exactly who you want to be without feeling that society wants you to be any other way because of your gender. Want to have a baby? Do it. Don't want to? Then don't, and don't let anyone make you feel like you should. Never feel like having a bikini wax is normal and expected, but equally, never say no if it's what you want.

Although not exactly groundbreaking, Moran's bought her fundamental philosophy "a) Do you have a vagina? and b) Do you want to be in charge of it? If you said 'yes' to both, then congratulations! You're a feminist” to women scared off feminism by incredibly misplaced modern conceptions of feminists as quinoa munching, braless cat-ladies. Moran acknowledges that some of us need a gentle reminder that if you don't want to be "giving birth on the kitchen floor - biting down on a wooden spoon, so as not to disturb the men’s card game - before going back to quick-liming the dunny" you ARE a feminist.

However, unfortunately, there seems to be a great deal of judgmental feminism being angrily directed at Moran. Snobbily termed as a book rebranding feminism for the 'wag generation' by reviewers, How to be a Woman attracted a review which particularly drew my attention by Meghan Murphy.

http://rabble.ca/books/reviews/2013/01/trouble-me-me-me-feminism-review-vagina-and-how-be-woman

'It's not all about you!' Murphy smugly states before launching into a rant which, oddly, seems to be all about her. Slamming Moran's beliefs on pornography (pro, but needing changes in order to wipe out the often patriarchal nature of it) Murphy declares that this is an almost unbelievable oversimplification. Murphy seems to be pretty firm about her opinion that pornography is WRONG and that altered or not, it isn't something feminists should be enjoying.

Admittedly, I realise pornography can be a problematic area. Yes it can be partriarchal and yes some of it is anti-women. And of course I would never encourage anyone to support an industry which represents the objectification of women to be a normal thing. However, there is also pornography out there which does not do this, and if a woman enjoys something which allows her to explore her sexuality, and everyone involved is a consenting adult, what's the problem?

Unfortunately, Murphy seems to have missed the major point of Moran's opinions, and the bottom line of feminism in general. It's about the right to choose, and nobody (that includes you Murphy) has the right to tell a woman what she can and can't do when it comes to her body and her sexual choices. Would anyone be shocked if a male journalist said that they think pornography's OK? Of course not!

In fact, in a 2011 GQ article, a male writer admitted to loving female hating hardcore pornography made by a pornographer convicted of obscenity charges. Yes, he admitted to feeling shame at his pleasure, but also gleefully discusses pornography depicting men having sex with unconsenting sleeping women, adding: "Sleeping-girl porn was almost peaceful; she's having a nap. She's catching a few z's. Heck—she's Sleeping Beauty!"

http://www.gq.com/news-politics/mens-lives/201111/hardcore-porn-obsession-morality-shalom-auslander

Furthermore, despite his admission that he knew enjoying this type of porn warrants a slight notion of guilt, GQ failed to include this in their marketing of the piece, adding the by-line: "Threesomes, fishnets, dirty talk—those are the vanilla sorts of fantasies we admit to. Then there's the truly filthy porn we actually watch when we're alone. Shalom Auslander discovers that everyone has his guiltiest pleasure." Interesting that Murphy slams Moran yet has nothing to say about the male perspective. Feminism? I think not.

People are forgetting the true meaning of feminism. Distracted by angry feminist stereotypes or constructing an archetypal woman that anyone who defines themselves as feminists is supposed to be, Moran's critics are forgetting one very important thing: tell a woman how she should think and act and you're no better than the patriarchy that got us here in the first place.

So let's all take a leaf out of Moran's wonderful book. Be yourself, and don't let anyone, especially judgmental feminist, tell you any different.